just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
