he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How's work?
Spinning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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