you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
