Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
