I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
