you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
