A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
