I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
