just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
