Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
