I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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