The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
as a side note pls kill me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
