brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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