yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
