If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
