Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
