I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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