First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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