Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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