I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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