I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
