I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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