I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
