I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
