just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
