I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize