So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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