as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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