what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
