We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
