dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
