Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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