Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
