she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
