So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
