would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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