Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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