I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
