Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
