what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My feet surprised me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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