just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
