I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
