Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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