i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
