im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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