Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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