just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
