i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
