Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
