What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
