if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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