Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im part way to drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
