Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
