if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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