those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
