I forgot how hot balto sounded
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
