I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
