He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
