careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
