please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
