well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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