rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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