I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
