The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
