you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize