I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
