I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
