My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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