dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize