When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
