My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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