I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
