i may or may not be watching the land before time
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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